On My Way Home...

So, I leave tomorrow morning. That is 17 hours away. I will be home Thursday around 8 or 9pm. Yay. I don't really want to say goodbye to my friends here, but I am ready to come home and se everyone. So, I will update you all when I get to LA and hock their wireless airport internet. Hehe

All my love,

Jess

Bleeding Hearts...a story I am writing.

“Initial incision made over the sternum, starting at the top of the ribcage and descending to the level of rib number twelve.”

A nurse dabbed at the sweat on his brow as he cut into the ribs of a three year old boy named Isaiah whose parents were outside in the waiting room. He knew they were probably wringing their hands, and like all the parents in the waiting room before them, hoping he didn’t make a wrong slit with his scalpel and take their little boy away for good. They were lucky he was skilled with a scalpel. He sliced a straight line down skin over the sternum, blood oozing through the crack he’d made in the largest organ of the body. The slit pulled apart like the covering on a cut sausage, human magma spilling out over the iodine yellow organ that surrounded it.

“Retractors.”

He held out a latex covered hand, and without another word, two retractors came to his aid. He inserted the curved end of the instrument into the incision and with the help of another doctor, pried apart skin and muscle like he was preparing a piece of meat for stuffing. The sternum revealed itself with little effort on his part, and he was pleased at this because it meant things were going smoothly. The nurse dabbed at his forehead again. A loud cracking sound echoed in the operating room as he cut through the sternum and exposed pink lungs and pericardium.

He paused.

The average human heart beats seventy-two times per minute but the average child’s beats much faster. It was beautiful to him how the muscles clenched and relaxed projecting life through a body, small or large. To hold a beating heart in one’s hands is said to be one of the most amazing experiences a person can encounter. He knew this was true, in his mind at least, as he looked at the beating heart of the little boy, exposed and contracting, with a big effort for such a little person, a broken heart wrapped in cellophane. A little person who had no choice but to lay his life in a doctor’s hands.

He cut into the pericardial sack. Blood oozed. Too much blood for this simple cut. He flushed out the wound with sterile water.

“Shit.”

He moved his hands away to reach for sponges to soak up the spill, a jet of blood spurting out like hot lava forcing its way out of the mouth of a volcano. The body of a child holds about four liters of blood, and about of quarter of it was on it’s way to the floor.

~

“He what,” Mrs. Arangetti wailed.

“So, he’s…dead,” her husband asked. “You killed him?”

“I didn’t kill him,” Dr. Bouvier explained. “He suffered a bleed during the surgery, and we did everything we could to stop the bleeding, but I’m afraid…”

Mrs. Arangetti shoved her husband out of the way and took a swing at Dr. Bouvier, missing his face by millimeters.

“You are a murderer,” She hissed. “You killed my baby. He trusted you. We trusted you.”

The bright, blurry shape of the sun erased the look of agony on the woman’s face from his retinas, and when he looked down again, her necklace, a diamond heart that said Mommy, sent a ray of light directly into his eyes.

New Photos!!!

I got my underwater camera developed from the Great Barrier Reef and the photos are up!!!

Red By Ted Hughes

Red was your colour.
If not red, then white. But red
Was what you wrapped around you.
Blood-red. Was it blood?
Was it red-ochre, for warming the dead?
Haematite to make immortal
The precious heirloom bones, the family bones.

When you had your way finally
Our room was red. A judgement chamber.
Shut casket for gems. The carpet of blood
Patterned with darkenings, congealments.
The curtains -- ruby corduroy blood,
Sheer blood-falls from ceiling to floor.
The cushions the same. The same
Raw carmine along the window-seat.
A throbbing cell. Aztec altar -- temple.

Only the bookshelves escaped into whiteness.

And outside the window
Poppies thin and wrinkle-frail
As the skin on blood,
Salvias, that your father named you after,
Like blood lobbing from the gash,
And roses, the heart's last gouts,
Catastrophic, arterial, doomed.

Your velvet long full skirt, a swathe of blood,
A lavish burgandy.
Your lips a dipped, deep crimson.

You revelled in red.
I felt it raw -- like crisp gauze edges
Of a stiffening wound. I could touch
The open vein in it, the crusted gleam.

Everything you painted you painted white
Then splashed it with roses, defeated it,
Leaned over it, dripping roses,
Weeping roses, and more roses,
Then sometimes, among them, a little blue
bird.

Blue was better for you. Blue was wings.
Kingfisher blue silks from San Francisco
Folded your pregnancy
In crucible caresses.
Blue was your kindly spirit -- not a ghoul
But electrified, a guardian, thoughtful.

In the pit of red
You hid from the bone-clinic whiteness.

But the jewel you lost was blue.

Older Photos

I thieved some photos from my Reef trip and such from friends so I am putting them in my album. Love yah! 21 dayjavascript:void(0)
Publish Posts! YAY!

New Haircut!

So, I got a new haircut. Its shorter than I am used to but I've come to love it. Oh...25 days! WOOT! and 4 more days of school. Can't beat that at all! Yes! That is all. Much love!

Monday...ewwww

So it is Monday October 15th here at 5:34pm. Day is done. I am bored. So I am updating you all. There is 7 more days of school for me, 3 more days this week, 4 next week. Yipee skipee. I have two more essays to write, and exams to study for and in 29 days I will be on a plane barely able to stand the wait as I fly home!!! I cannot wait to see everyone, much as I will miss my friends here. Thank God for the internet. Also, Thank God for TimTams, which I have been cutting down on. They are making my bum bigger. hehe. I had a chicken fillet for lunch with potato wedges and a bottle of water and watched these people do sign language to each other while I wondered what the heck they were saying. hm. I am taking Spanish next semester because of course, GVSU doesn't offer ASL. Psh. lol. Oh well. Spanish should be useful too. So, the computer fixing guy has the hots for me and I always magically end up at the top of his fixing list even though I don't necessarily have a huge issue. Also, he has a girlfriend and that sucks. Even though he is Australian anyway and I have only 4 more weeks here. Bugger that. I have been saving Aussie change to share around when I get home as souvenirs for all. Makes me sort of feel like Robin Hood or something. Heh. Funny, that. Well, I will update again soon.

Ta,

Jess

Pictures!

Just a note to let you all know I've posted more pictures in my album. Went into the city today and took pictures and there are some up of the bachelor auction from the other night. they are over there ---------------------------------->
I made a link so no one would be confused! Yay!

37 days.

Love and miss you all Heaps.

Love,

Me

Christian Glitter by www.christianglitter.com

Christian Glitter by www.christianglitter.com

Annoyed and Confused...

I've been thinking...this one isn't for everyone..but for a few people at home...

You really start to figure out where you stand when you aren't worth 80 cents, the twenty minutes or so it takes to reply to a letter and the 20 foot walk to the mailbox. I, on the other hand, take at least a hour to write people, because I usually do it while I'm doing my homework, it costs 2 dollars and the mailbox is over a mile away round trip. But I still write. And yet, nothing appears in the mailbox, save for the letters from my Grandmas, one of which can't write me anymore, a postcard from Chandler, and a card from Mary. I talk to Mom almost everyday, so she couldn't really have a ton to write about, but everyone else that I've written to...has never written back. I've never gotten any artwork of my niece or nephews, as was promised, not a thing. I'm not worth 80 cents, yet, my life is already being planned for me before I even get home. Maybe, I want to just be home, and if anyone wants to see me they can find ME. Maybe, for once, I want to live on my own terms, and not on the terms of someone that thinks they need to possess me or I won't ever come back. I don't come around because you try to possess me, don't you get it? And do you know what else? I'm tired of being the supposed perfect one. I'm not perfect. Not even close. And there is so much pressure sometimes to be the perfect one, that I almost want to scream. Almost. But I don't say anything. I don't say anything because it isn't worth the fights and hassles that will follow. It isn't worth watching your family go to shit over an opinion, so its just easier to shut up. That said, no one needs to read into this weirdly and get all out of sorts. I am just fine here, I'm not depressed, and there is only 1 or 2 swear words in this. So, take this as you will, but don't get all crazy over it. Okay?

I have a paper to write for my philosophy class and one to start to writing class. Both for tomorrow or course. Procrastinator me. heh. Ohhhh, while Im thinking on it...


HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY COREY! I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU!!!

Had to put that up for the birthday boy, even though he probably wont even see it. Ah, well. Well, all, I must go. I love and miss you all heaps...

All my Love...

I am going to survive!!!

So, I was just surfing the web and stumbled across my method of survival when i get home. There is a world market on 28th street across from the Woodland mall that sells three flavors of TimTams, so I wont have to suffer withdrawl...well...EVER!!! Haha. And I dont have to share my flavors that arent in Michigan. Mwah hahha. Oh well. I have an Australian connection or ten. LOL. I already have a deal with one as a matter of fact for TimTam exchange. In case you're wondering what the hell a TimTam is, I will post a picture. Matter of fact, I am eating the caramel flavor right now and very much enjoying it. HAHA. TimTams are only the best darn cookies on the face of the earth. In my humble opinion. I am going to need a whole suitcase full to possibly survive at all. A TimTam a day keeps bitching at bay. LOL. Thats how I see it anyway. :) Well, I must go and pack my backpack for class. Anyone want to go to my three hours of poetry for me? Cuz I dont want to go. At. All.

Love and miss you all...

Blog Update Time...

Well, as you can see, I changed my blog a bit. I liked this background because it reminded me of the reef underwater. Hope ya'll like the remodeling. I do. :)
Well, spring break is nearly over for me, which is oh so very sad, but I have four more weeks of school to go and that is sooooo exciting. That means 7 weeks until home. So, it seems I survived nearly four months in another country without my Mom, which I had serious doubts about. But I miss everyone and am more than ready to come home, at least for a little while. :) How has everyone been? I am putting off my History essay again, which is slightly naughty of me since it is due on Monday, which is two days from now! *GASP* Ah, well. It will get done eventually. I hope. I can nearly hear Chad from here telling me I'm a last second person just like Mary. HAHAHA. Oh, I have started swimming laps recently. I swam 500 meters the other day, but haven't made it back because I've been working on papers. After I turn in this wretched History assignment, I'll be able to go back. Can you tell I don't like History? Yeah, I don't. at. all. I have decided that I want a puppy. A Weiner dog puppy to take to my apartment with Mal in Grand Rapids. Well, Gotta go. Essays are a-waiting.

Love and Miss you all heaps!



PS: TimTams are SO good, did I mention that???

Spring Break Day One.

Today is my first day of spring break. I am not going anywhere, which kind of sucks, but I have to get 3 papers written anyway. So it works out. Maybe I'll go into the city though and take some pictures for ya'll. And shop. We shall see. So, I found out when my exams are and it looks like I will be coming home the 14th or 15th of November. Yay! That makes me excited. I miss everyone in good old Michigan. hehe. Not looking forward to 25 hours of plane hopping however. Ah well. Gotta do it today home. I could be stuck sailing for weeks. That'd be worse, yeah? lol I think so anyway. The girl below me is playing sucky music really loud, and even though its only 5:20pm, its annoying. Its hat screaming kind of music that you can barely understand. and I can hear it through the window. BLAH. I shall be rid of her in 54 days. Hehe. I will pay her back at 6am one of these days and she will be sorry. Yes she will. Someone ate my brand new bag of cheese and i decided that next time im putting laxative in it to see who is doing it. Whoever has the screaming shits is guilty. HAHA. And I bet they eat their OWN cheese after that. And if they dont, they will have a sore butt indefinitely. Yep. So how is everyone? I'm kind of bored right now. I'm going to go play a game. Catch you later.

Love and Miss you all...

Quiz I took today for fun...

You Are 4: The Individualist

You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel. At Your Best: You are inspired, artistic, and introspective. You know what you're thinking, and you can communicate it well. At Your Worst: You are melancholy, alienated, and withdrawn. Your Fixation: Envy Your Primary Fear: To have no identity Your Primary Desire: To find yourself Other Number 4's: Alanis Morisette, Johnny Depp, J.D. Salinger, Jim Morrison, and Anne Rice.

What Number Are You?

Another Late Night Update...

So it seems that people read this. I was actually legitimately mad at some people though, and needed to rant that out. Anyways, I have had a good week this week. I have three papers I should be writing but decided to post here and procrastinate a little more. heh. Tomorrow I am going to the store to get some meat so i can actually eat something good. hehe. Know what annoys me? How much people take for granted in this world. Its like, no one knows what they have until its gone. Or they take for granted their family and conveniently forget who it was that bailed them out of a downward spiral in the first place. I dont understand how people can turn their backs on their families when they have good families. They take someone else's side, when there shouldn't have to be sides to begin with and insult the people they are supposed to love. It also annoys me that people think that your loyalties should fall within blood lines. Blood is worthless except to keep you alive, in the end, love is all that really matters even when it doesn't seem to be enough. I'm done now I think, because someone is going to read into this wrong and get all freaked out, when, really it is what it is. It's my opinion. Its always been there, I've just kept it quiet.

I'm going to get some sleep so I will catch up with you later.


Love and miss you all.

Up all night...

So, I have slept 3 hours in the last 2 days. Which would make me very grump were I not upped on 1200mg of ibuprofen. I got to talk to my lil sister, my nephews and my Ellie today which was worth staying up all night for. It is now 7:38 am and I am still wide awake. Is there no justice in this world for raging insomniacs? I tell you what, I want sleep very very much. I'm thinking on asking Hannah and Nicola and Mandi if they want to go into the city tomorrow. Hmmmmm....

SLEEP!!!

It is nearly 4am and the fuckwits next to me and the double fuckwits under me are having sex so loud i can hear it over the movie i am attempting to watch. I just want to sleep. Between the idiots that scream the hall down and the nympho-screamers I dont ever sleep. Its nuts. My RA is a spineless pussy because he always says he's going to crack down but he never does. He's a kiss ass to everyone, has to be their pal, which would be fine if he was doing his damned job. But he isnt, its louder than hell at 4am, and the kitchen is still a pigsty. But everyone just says that's college. Well, I hate it here. This has gone beyond ridiculous. And I'm thoroughly annoyed.

A late night update

It is now 2:08am, and I cant sleep so I decided to update this thing. I am doing pretty okay with Grandma Walker's being gone, but some nights it hits me hard, and some nights I dont think much about it at all. I keep saying that I'm okay, which is so far from the truth that it is not even funny. I have moments where I hurt so badly, and when the wave of hurt goes away, I'm okay again for a while. It is just really hard being way over here with my whole family thousands of miles away. I have friends here that have been keeping tabs on me pretty closely, and I am going tomorrow to talk to a counsler lady at the Uni. Its free, so why not? Right? This weekend My friend Mandi is coming to visit from Bendigo. We havent seen her since the Introduction in Cairns so we are all pretty stoked. We're taking her around the city all day, and then we're coming back and hanging out. Its going to be so much fun!! What has everyone been up to? I've been burning the midnight oil a lot lately getting work done, and i have papers piling up that are waiting to be written. ugh. I sincerely hate essay writing. There are much better things to do with computer space. Its almost 2:30 in the morning and some jackass is blowing a whistle. I swear if i ever find them its going straight up their ass. sideways. stupid... Maybe I will deafen them with the whistle first. Hmmmmm... Is it still boiling hot in Michigan? It surely isnt here. It has finally warmed up to tolerable. I wore capris today. I was very excited about that. It was the first day in ages that I couldnt see my breath. I miss every one heaps! I have collected some weird sayings from here. Like, glasses are called pots, and dinner is tea, and instead of how are you, you say, how you going. There are others but I cant think of them right now. Oh, everyone calls people, love. like, Hello, love. And it doesnt mean anything remotely romantic. Instead of saying that something is skrewed up they say, "hey you stuffed it all up". Its kind of funny. Sometimes us americans will be talking about something and the Aussies have no clue what we are talking about because they call it something else. Like Jello is Jelly. and Jelly is nasty here. I tried it. And do you know, they eat pumpkin soup here. EWWWWW. And they eat a lot of sushi. I havent tried it. Dotn plan to either. Ohhh...I think I found a job at a medical clinic. I am going to go there wednesday. Wed. is my emptiest day so I will have the time to chat to them if they want to have a chat to me. Oh, back to food...vegemite is positively revolting. Tried that too. They eat it on toast. WHy, I dunno, but they do. Gag. Just say no to Vegemite!!! Well, this is turning into a novel so I shall sign off. I love you all, and I shall see you in 92 days, or maybe less...:)

The city!!

We went intot hte city last night and went to china townand I am posting pictures at my photobucket album. Yay. Go see. The link is down in one of my other posts.


Ciao..


Jess

Pink Hair

So I dyed my hair. hehe. I put a picture up there. I've been slacking really bad about writing on this thing. SHame on me. Its getting warmer finally, its like 65 or so. That means its spring. YAY. I was way ready for that. Kim, Hannah, Nicola and I have decided to go up norht for the semester break, which is Sept 20th, because we want to go to the beach where it is warm and to see the Steve Irwin zoo. There is amusement parks up there too. We shall see. I'm just excited about spending a week on the ocean and where its actually WARM. Yeah, I'm complaining and you guys are over there melting. Har har. Yep.I'm Laughing. I get to skip summer this year. Fine by me. I'll be back in time for turkey, or maybe by Mid November if I get my way.WHat have you all been up to?

One Month...

So, It has officially been a month since I left home. Does it feel like a month to all of you? It doesn't to me. I've just stated seeing this place for what it is. It feels like its been one really long week, but it hasnt. Its been a month. I find that hard to believe, because I never thought I would be able to do this. But aside from missing everyone immensely, I can see that you were right Mom. This is turning out to be the trip of a lifetime after all. And while I am talking to you, Mom, thanks for making me go when I didnt want to. Anyway...back to my rattling update. I got withdrawn from my pharmacology class...buggers. Now I am in a Drama class, which i needed as an elective anyway. So t turned out okay anyways. Its windy here today, but warming up, and the birds outside my window, are still there. Buggers. They are so loud at all the horrid hours of the morning. I'd like a BB gun about now to stick out the window and pluck birds off with, but then i suspect someone would be bailing me out of the slammer. :)Heh. So how have you all been? Someone leave me a message. This is begining to feel like a one sided communication attempt. And I dont like it. :)

Time Flies...

SO, it has been almost a month now. Wow. Time sure does fly when you are having fun huh? Classes started today. History is going to be the death of me. I'm going to die of boredom. HAHAHAHAHAH. My Pathology and Pharmocology class is really interesting though and im excited for my writing class. Also i have a poerty class, but it reading not writing so i dont know ow that will be. Its starting to get warmer now, not like freezing cold. YAY. Oh...tonight is pirate night! Fun huh? I'm excited, I got these obnoxiously pink strpied socks to wear for it. woohoo. Well, i have to get going. Food time, so my stomach tells me.

Hello...

OKay, I'm back for another update. Its sunday, and nothing is open so i think im having noodles for lunch again. hehe. Nothing much going on here, just waiting for school to start. MIss everyone!

Hum...

I'm starting to miss home a little, but I think its because I am not as busy. It got a little warmer, which is really nice, but its raining though. No one is commenting or, like answering me. WHy is that? Ah, well, I shall update you all at a later time. Yep yep.

So I gave you the wrong address.

It is...


Jess Walker

Menzies College
La Trobe University
Bundoora, Melbourne
Victoria, Australia 3086

Phone number is coming soon. I dont even know it yet.

I made it to the Uni. Sweet huh? And I can drink legally which is kinda sweet too. Had my first legal alcohol the other day. I have my own room here, which is nice, and the girls on my floor are great. I think I'm starting to pick up their accent. heh. Sorry if I worried you all, but hey, i was having a great time. Went shopping yesterday for room decorations. I'm getting ready to head into the city, so I will update you all later on wheteher or not i got lost. haha.



Love you all,

Jess

Reef Day!!

Hello all. Today we went to the Great barrier Reef. It was SO awesome. I went snorkeling in two spots on the reef. I found Nemo ( haha) and Dory, and I also saw a little shark. I swam with Zebra fish and all sorts of tropical fish and saw a giant clam and i petted a fish that came really close to me. I saw every sort of coral inder the sun and I also saw a sea anemone. It was really gorgeous. The water was blue green and so clear and clean you could see to the bottom even where it was heaps of meters deep. We just got back less then an hour ago( its now 607pm) and we are getting ready to head for dinner. Aussie food is great in case you all are curious. I have to get going, but I'll get back to you later.



To see pictures of the last two days go here:

http://s204.photobucket.com/albums/bb92/giraffeeatleaves05

I'm here!!!

So everyone, I am here in gorgerous Australia. This is day two for me, because i havent had time to get online. Sorry if anone was worrying. Today we went to a place called Rainforestation, a wild life reserve and Aboriginal Park. We saw Aboriginal dancers and so many beautiful animals. I fed kangaroos, and wallabies, and saw crocs and dingos and wombats. I held a koala and got to go on a boat ride through the rainforest. It was so amazing. I am in Cairns right now, (pronounced like Cahns in Aussie) which is within walking distance to the ocean. THe pool has a waterfall and there are palms everywhere. I took a bunch of pictures i am getting ready to post. So you should all look, and yeah, when i get done at the reef tomorrow I will updayte again. promise.


All my love and I miss you all.

Jess

Countdown!

SO, now I am getting excited. 6 more days. But I havent packed yet so I probably shoud do so. I keep going from nervous to excited, but then I tell myself, I'll be fine. I'll be home in time for turkey. ;)

Counting the Days

12 days to go until I fly out of Grand Rapids and head on the journey of a lifetime. I made this blog so all of you I'm leaving in the States can keep up with me, when I can't phone home. heh heh. So check back soon and there will be more things posted and when i get to Oz, I will keep you all updated.


Ta,

Jess