On My Way Home...

So, I leave tomorrow morning. That is 17 hours away. I will be home Thursday around 8 or 9pm. Yay. I don't really want to say goodbye to my friends here, but I am ready to come home and se everyone. So, I will update you all when I get to LA and hock their wireless airport internet. Hehe

All my love,

Jess

Bleeding Hearts...a story I am writing.

“Initial incision made over the sternum, starting at the top of the ribcage and descending to the level of rib number twelve.”

A nurse dabbed at the sweat on his brow as he cut into the ribs of a three year old boy named Isaiah whose parents were outside in the waiting room. He knew they were probably wringing their hands, and like all the parents in the waiting room before them, hoping he didn’t make a wrong slit with his scalpel and take their little boy away for good. They were lucky he was skilled with a scalpel. He sliced a straight line down skin over the sternum, blood oozing through the crack he’d made in the largest organ of the body. The slit pulled apart like the covering on a cut sausage, human magma spilling out over the iodine yellow organ that surrounded it.

“Retractors.”

He held out a latex covered hand, and without another word, two retractors came to his aid. He inserted the curved end of the instrument into the incision and with the help of another doctor, pried apart skin and muscle like he was preparing a piece of meat for stuffing. The sternum revealed itself with little effort on his part, and he was pleased at this because it meant things were going smoothly. The nurse dabbed at his forehead again. A loud cracking sound echoed in the operating room as he cut through the sternum and exposed pink lungs and pericardium.

He paused.

The average human heart beats seventy-two times per minute but the average child’s beats much faster. It was beautiful to him how the muscles clenched and relaxed projecting life through a body, small or large. To hold a beating heart in one’s hands is said to be one of the most amazing experiences a person can encounter. He knew this was true, in his mind at least, as he looked at the beating heart of the little boy, exposed and contracting, with a big effort for such a little person, a broken heart wrapped in cellophane. A little person who had no choice but to lay his life in a doctor’s hands.

He cut into the pericardial sack. Blood oozed. Too much blood for this simple cut. He flushed out the wound with sterile water.

“Shit.”

He moved his hands away to reach for sponges to soak up the spill, a jet of blood spurting out like hot lava forcing its way out of the mouth of a volcano. The body of a child holds about four liters of blood, and about of quarter of it was on it’s way to the floor.

~

“He what,” Mrs. Arangetti wailed.

“So, he’s…dead,” her husband asked. “You killed him?”

“I didn’t kill him,” Dr. Bouvier explained. “He suffered a bleed during the surgery, and we did everything we could to stop the bleeding, but I’m afraid…”

Mrs. Arangetti shoved her husband out of the way and took a swing at Dr. Bouvier, missing his face by millimeters.

“You are a murderer,” She hissed. “You killed my baby. He trusted you. We trusted you.”

The bright, blurry shape of the sun erased the look of agony on the woman’s face from his retinas, and when he looked down again, her necklace, a diamond heart that said Mommy, sent a ray of light directly into his eyes.

New Photos!!!

I got my underwater camera developed from the Great Barrier Reef and the photos are up!!!

Red By Ted Hughes

Red was your colour.
If not red, then white. But red
Was what you wrapped around you.
Blood-red. Was it blood?
Was it red-ochre, for warming the dead?
Haematite to make immortal
The precious heirloom bones, the family bones.

When you had your way finally
Our room was red. A judgement chamber.
Shut casket for gems. The carpet of blood
Patterned with darkenings, congealments.
The curtains -- ruby corduroy blood,
Sheer blood-falls from ceiling to floor.
The cushions the same. The same
Raw carmine along the window-seat.
A throbbing cell. Aztec altar -- temple.

Only the bookshelves escaped into whiteness.

And outside the window
Poppies thin and wrinkle-frail
As the skin on blood,
Salvias, that your father named you after,
Like blood lobbing from the gash,
And roses, the heart's last gouts,
Catastrophic, arterial, doomed.

Your velvet long full skirt, a swathe of blood,
A lavish burgandy.
Your lips a dipped, deep crimson.

You revelled in red.
I felt it raw -- like crisp gauze edges
Of a stiffening wound. I could touch
The open vein in it, the crusted gleam.

Everything you painted you painted white
Then splashed it with roses, defeated it,
Leaned over it, dripping roses,
Weeping roses, and more roses,
Then sometimes, among them, a little blue
bird.

Blue was better for you. Blue was wings.
Kingfisher blue silks from San Francisco
Folded your pregnancy
In crucible caresses.
Blue was your kindly spirit -- not a ghoul
But electrified, a guardian, thoughtful.

In the pit of red
You hid from the bone-clinic whiteness.

But the jewel you lost was blue.

Older Photos

I thieved some photos from my Reef trip and such from friends so I am putting them in my album. Love yah! 21 dayjavascript:void(0)
Publish Posts! YAY!

New Haircut!

So, I got a new haircut. Its shorter than I am used to but I've come to love it. Oh...25 days! WOOT! and 4 more days of school. Can't beat that at all! Yes! That is all. Much love!

Monday...ewwww

So it is Monday October 15th here at 5:34pm. Day is done. I am bored. So I am updating you all. There is 7 more days of school for me, 3 more days this week, 4 next week. Yipee skipee. I have two more essays to write, and exams to study for and in 29 days I will be on a plane barely able to stand the wait as I fly home!!! I cannot wait to see everyone, much as I will miss my friends here. Thank God for the internet. Also, Thank God for TimTams, which I have been cutting down on. They are making my bum bigger. hehe. I had a chicken fillet for lunch with potato wedges and a bottle of water and watched these people do sign language to each other while I wondered what the heck they were saying. hm. I am taking Spanish next semester because of course, GVSU doesn't offer ASL. Psh. lol. Oh well. Spanish should be useful too. So, the computer fixing guy has the hots for me and I always magically end up at the top of his fixing list even though I don't necessarily have a huge issue. Also, he has a girlfriend and that sucks. Even though he is Australian anyway and I have only 4 more weeks here. Bugger that. I have been saving Aussie change to share around when I get home as souvenirs for all. Makes me sort of feel like Robin Hood or something. Heh. Funny, that. Well, I will update again soon.

Ta,

Jess

Pictures!

Just a note to let you all know I've posted more pictures in my album. Went into the city today and took pictures and there are some up of the bachelor auction from the other night. they are over there ---------------------------------->
I made a link so no one would be confused! Yay!

37 days.

Love and miss you all Heaps.

Love,

Me

Christian Glitter by www.christianglitter.com

Christian Glitter by www.christianglitter.com

Annoyed and Confused...

I've been thinking...this one isn't for everyone..but for a few people at home...

You really start to figure out where you stand when you aren't worth 80 cents, the twenty minutes or so it takes to reply to a letter and the 20 foot walk to the mailbox. I, on the other hand, take at least a hour to write people, because I usually do it while I'm doing my homework, it costs 2 dollars and the mailbox is over a mile away round trip. But I still write. And yet, nothing appears in the mailbox, save for the letters from my Grandmas, one of which can't write me anymore, a postcard from Chandler, and a card from Mary. I talk to Mom almost everyday, so she couldn't really have a ton to write about, but everyone else that I've written to...has never written back. I've never gotten any artwork of my niece or nephews, as was promised, not a thing. I'm not worth 80 cents, yet, my life is already being planned for me before I even get home. Maybe, I want to just be home, and if anyone wants to see me they can find ME. Maybe, for once, I want to live on my own terms, and not on the terms of someone that thinks they need to possess me or I won't ever come back. I don't come around because you try to possess me, don't you get it? And do you know what else? I'm tired of being the supposed perfect one. I'm not perfect. Not even close. And there is so much pressure sometimes to be the perfect one, that I almost want to scream. Almost. But I don't say anything. I don't say anything because it isn't worth the fights and hassles that will follow. It isn't worth watching your family go to shit over an opinion, so its just easier to shut up. That said, no one needs to read into this weirdly and get all out of sorts. I am just fine here, I'm not depressed, and there is only 1 or 2 swear words in this. So, take this as you will, but don't get all crazy over it. Okay?

I have a paper to write for my philosophy class and one to start to writing class. Both for tomorrow or course. Procrastinator me. heh. Ohhhh, while Im thinking on it...


HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY COREY! I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU!!!

Had to put that up for the birthday boy, even though he probably wont even see it. Ah, well. Well, all, I must go. I love and miss you all heaps...

All my Love...

I am going to survive!!!

So, I was just surfing the web and stumbled across my method of survival when i get home. There is a world market on 28th street across from the Woodland mall that sells three flavors of TimTams, so I wont have to suffer withdrawl...well...EVER!!! Haha. And I dont have to share my flavors that arent in Michigan. Mwah hahha. Oh well. I have an Australian connection or ten. LOL. I already have a deal with one as a matter of fact for TimTam exchange. In case you're wondering what the hell a TimTam is, I will post a picture. Matter of fact, I am eating the caramel flavor right now and very much enjoying it. HAHA. TimTams are only the best darn cookies on the face of the earth. In my humble opinion. I am going to need a whole suitcase full to possibly survive at all. A TimTam a day keeps bitching at bay. LOL. Thats how I see it anyway. :) Well, I must go and pack my backpack for class. Anyone want to go to my three hours of poetry for me? Cuz I dont want to go. At. All.

Love and miss you all...

Blog Update Time...

Well, as you can see, I changed my blog a bit. I liked this background because it reminded me of the reef underwater. Hope ya'll like the remodeling. I do. :)
Well, spring break is nearly over for me, which is oh so very sad, but I have four more weeks of school to go and that is sooooo exciting. That means 7 weeks until home. So, it seems I survived nearly four months in another country without my Mom, which I had serious doubts about. But I miss everyone and am more than ready to come home, at least for a little while. :) How has everyone been? I am putting off my History essay again, which is slightly naughty of me since it is due on Monday, which is two days from now! *GASP* Ah, well. It will get done eventually. I hope. I can nearly hear Chad from here telling me I'm a last second person just like Mary. HAHAHA. Oh, I have started swimming laps recently. I swam 500 meters the other day, but haven't made it back because I've been working on papers. After I turn in this wretched History assignment, I'll be able to go back. Can you tell I don't like History? Yeah, I don't. at. all. I have decided that I want a puppy. A Weiner dog puppy to take to my apartment with Mal in Grand Rapids. Well, Gotta go. Essays are a-waiting.

Love and Miss you all heaps!



PS: TimTams are SO good, did I mention that???

Spring Break Day One.

Today is my first day of spring break. I am not going anywhere, which kind of sucks, but I have to get 3 papers written anyway. So it works out. Maybe I'll go into the city though and take some pictures for ya'll. And shop. We shall see. So, I found out when my exams are and it looks like I will be coming home the 14th or 15th of November. Yay! That makes me excited. I miss everyone in good old Michigan. hehe. Not looking forward to 25 hours of plane hopping however. Ah well. Gotta do it today home. I could be stuck sailing for weeks. That'd be worse, yeah? lol I think so anyway. The girl below me is playing sucky music really loud, and even though its only 5:20pm, its annoying. Its hat screaming kind of music that you can barely understand. and I can hear it through the window. BLAH. I shall be rid of her in 54 days. Hehe. I will pay her back at 6am one of these days and she will be sorry. Yes she will. Someone ate my brand new bag of cheese and i decided that next time im putting laxative in it to see who is doing it. Whoever has the screaming shits is guilty. HAHA. And I bet they eat their OWN cheese after that. And if they dont, they will have a sore butt indefinitely. Yep. So how is everyone? I'm kind of bored right now. I'm going to go play a game. Catch you later.

Love and Miss you all...

Quiz I took today for fun...

You Are 4: The Individualist

You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel. At Your Best: You are inspired, artistic, and introspective. You know what you're thinking, and you can communicate it well. At Your Worst: You are melancholy, alienated, and withdrawn. Your Fixation: Envy Your Primary Fear: To have no identity Your Primary Desire: To find yourself Other Number 4's: Alanis Morisette, Johnny Depp, J.D. Salinger, Jim Morrison, and Anne Rice.

What Number Are You?

Another Late Night Update...

So it seems that people read this. I was actually legitimately mad at some people though, and needed to rant that out. Anyways, I have had a good week this week. I have three papers I should be writing but decided to post here and procrastinate a little more. heh. Tomorrow I am going to the store to get some meat so i can actually eat something good. hehe. Know what annoys me? How much people take for granted in this world. Its like, no one knows what they have until its gone. Or they take for granted their family and conveniently forget who it was that bailed them out of a downward spiral in the first place. I dont understand how people can turn their backs on their families when they have good families. They take someone else's side, when there shouldn't have to be sides to begin with and insult the people they are supposed to love. It also annoys me that people think that your loyalties should fall within blood lines. Blood is worthless except to keep you alive, in the end, love is all that really matters even when it doesn't seem to be enough. I'm done now I think, because someone is going to read into this wrong and get all freaked out, when, really it is what it is. It's my opinion. Its always been there, I've just kept it quiet.

I'm going to get some sleep so I will catch up with you later.


Love and miss you all.

Up all night...

So, I have slept 3 hours in the last 2 days. Which would make me very grump were I not upped on 1200mg of ibuprofen. I got to talk to my lil sister, my nephews and my Ellie today which was worth staying up all night for. It is now 7:38 am and I am still wide awake. Is there no justice in this world for raging insomniacs? I tell you what, I want sleep very very much. I'm thinking on asking Hannah and Nicola and Mandi if they want to go into the city tomorrow. Hmmmmm....

SLEEP!!!

It is nearly 4am and the fuckwits next to me and the double fuckwits under me are having sex so loud i can hear it over the movie i am attempting to watch. I just want to sleep. Between the idiots that scream the hall down and the nympho-screamers I dont ever sleep. Its nuts. My RA is a spineless pussy because he always says he's going to crack down but he never does. He's a kiss ass to everyone, has to be their pal, which would be fine if he was doing his damned job. But he isnt, its louder than hell at 4am, and the kitchen is still a pigsty. But everyone just says that's college. Well, I hate it here. This has gone beyond ridiculous. And I'm thoroughly annoyed.

A late night update

It is now 2:08am, and I cant sleep so I decided to update this thing. I am doing pretty okay with Grandma Walker's being gone, but some nights it hits me hard, and some nights I dont think much about it at all. I keep saying that I'm okay, which is so far from the truth that it is not even funny. I have moments where I hurt so badly, and when the wave of hurt goes away, I'm okay again for a while. It is just really hard being way over here with my whole family thousands of miles away. I have friends here that have been keeping tabs on me pretty closely, and I am going tomorrow to talk to a counsler lady at the Uni. Its free, so why not? Right? This weekend My friend Mandi is coming to visit from Bendigo. We havent seen her since the Introduction in Cairns so we are all pretty stoked. We're taking her around the city all day, and then we're coming back and hanging out. Its going to be so much fun!! What has everyone been up to? I've been burning the midnight oil a lot lately getting work done, and i have papers piling up that are waiting to be written. ugh. I sincerely hate essay writing. There are much better things to do with computer space. Its almost 2:30 in the morning and some jackass is blowing a whistle. I swear if i ever find them its going straight up their ass. sideways. stupid... Maybe I will deafen them with the whistle first. Hmmmmm... Is it still boiling hot in Michigan? It surely isnt here. It has finally warmed up to tolerable. I wore capris today. I was very excited about that. It was the first day in ages that I couldnt see my breath. I miss every one heaps! I have collected some weird sayings from here. Like, glasses are called pots, and dinner is tea, and instead of how are you, you say, how you going. There are others but I cant think of them right now. Oh, everyone calls people, love. like, Hello, love. And it doesnt mean anything remotely romantic. Instead of saying that something is skrewed up they say, "hey you stuffed it all up". Its kind of funny. Sometimes us americans will be talking about something and the Aussies have no clue what we are talking about because they call it something else. Like Jello is Jelly. and Jelly is nasty here. I tried it. And do you know, they eat pumpkin soup here. EWWWWW. And they eat a lot of sushi. I havent tried it. Dotn plan to either. Ohhh...I think I found a job at a medical clinic. I am going to go there wednesday. Wed. is my emptiest day so I will have the time to chat to them if they want to have a chat to me. Oh, back to food...vegemite is positively revolting. Tried that too. They eat it on toast. WHy, I dunno, but they do. Gag. Just say no to Vegemite!!! Well, this is turning into a novel so I shall sign off. I love you all, and I shall see you in 92 days, or maybe less...:)

The city!!

We went intot hte city last night and went to china townand I am posting pictures at my photobucket album. Yay. Go see. The link is down in one of my other posts.


Ciao..


Jess